I wish I only lived at night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
