I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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