I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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