btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
