I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
