i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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