nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
