She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
