At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
