it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
