plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
