i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
