What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
