I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I died a long time ago.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
