sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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