hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
