I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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