He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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