I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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