Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
