Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
two words...techno handjob
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
