don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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