it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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