the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
