i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
