Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
