Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
