You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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