so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
