I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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