My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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