you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
