wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
