Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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