This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
