Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
