So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
