Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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