People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
