he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
