i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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