My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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