No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
