I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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