My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
