It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
