I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
