Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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