I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
