I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
