Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
