Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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